We decided to try another round of insemination, and to start the adoption paper work. I have been feeling private about this because frankly I don't want to talk about it.............unless I bring it up.
I got my drugs in the mail the other day, as soon as I laid my eyes on them I cried. THANK GOODNESS for good friends!! I have so many close girl friends right now that would do anything for me and one of them came over without even giving me the option. It is nice to feel that you are not alone when you are sad.
So why am I doing the fertility? Well I have always felt that there is a little girl that needs to come to our family and I have always thought that I would give birth to her. I am not 100% sure that this is inspiration.....it might just be a dream. I figure I am 29 and now the is best time to try if I don't try I WILL always wonder. So there you have it. Thanks to all my cheerleaders for keeping me on course.....I am not sure why but fertility terrifies me!!! So I have to face my fears.
Adoption is a miracle that I want to be apart of again. However, this time around I am feeling VERY vulnerable. I keep thinking "I am not a perfect mother.....why should I have another child?" I know that no one is perfect but I still believe it somedays. It is hard to be under the microscope of adoption. I get sick of trying to prove that (in a very tired tone) "yes I am a good mother" "yes we have a good marriage" "no we do not beat our child" "yes we are temple worthy". I am not sure why all of my courage is gone, but it is. So I may drag my feet a little but I am doing this! I know there has to be one more child for me to love. It is so painful to be denied something that is soooo natural. I will keep you all updated..........the paper work is a long process and I am just getting started.
I got my drugs in the mail the other day, as soon as I laid my eyes on them I cried. THANK GOODNESS for good friends!! I have so many close girl friends right now that would do anything for me and one of them came over without even giving me the option. It is nice to feel that you are not alone when you are sad.
So why am I doing the fertility? Well I have always felt that there is a little girl that needs to come to our family and I have always thought that I would give birth to her. I am not 100% sure that this is inspiration.....it might just be a dream. I figure I am 29 and now the is best time to try if I don't try I WILL always wonder. So there you have it. Thanks to all my cheerleaders for keeping me on course.....I am not sure why but fertility terrifies me!!! So I have to face my fears.
Adoption is a miracle that I want to be apart of again. However, this time around I am feeling VERY vulnerable. I keep thinking "I am not a perfect mother.....why should I have another child?" I know that no one is perfect but I still believe it somedays. It is hard to be under the microscope of adoption. I get sick of trying to prove that (in a very tired tone) "yes I am a good mother" "yes we have a good marriage" "no we do not beat our child" "yes we are temple worthy". I am not sure why all of my courage is gone, but it is. So I may drag my feet a little but I am doing this! I know there has to be one more child for me to love. It is so painful to be denied something that is soooo natural. I will keep you all updated..........the paper work is a long process and I am just getting started.
4 comments:
Emily, I think you are a WONDERFUL mother! And you certainly are deserving of another child to love. Sending you strength and courage!
There's a site called naturallyknockedup.com - I don't know if you've seen it but it has a lot of information about helping restore fertility. Thought I'd send it on!
You have been busy girl! :)
I just spent forever last night at Enrichment talking with someone who just moved in about infertility and their experiences, etc. I know I've been fairly open, but I wasn't at all the first time around trying to get pregnant with Paige. I think the second time around I was tired of holding it all in... and everyone tip toeing around the issues. But, everyone is different and I think you should share what feels right for you.
It's a roller coaster and sometimes I wonder why I'm even considering it again! I think that's normal, or at least I'm hoping so! :) Hang in there!
Em,
I could see into your soul on Sunday and knew that you were sharing some of your stress and fears with me, even without saying too many words. I love your hugs and I know a little glimpse into the infertility issue after Nate's accident. It can be all-consuming! I love that you are going about this with an "open" approach. It is amazing how many others are going through or have gone through the same thing. I will send prayers your way and know that I love ya!
Heather
We love you Emily. I will be praying for you. So many emotions, I know!
Love ya,
Brenda & Steve
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