Little things

I have found happiness in the little things these days. Here's a list of the things that make me smile extra big.
The smell of my sweet baby Samara

Silas kissing his Sister

Telling the restaurant we need a table for 4!

Kissing both my kids (not just one) goodnight.

Listening to all of Samara's grunts, and snorts..........its so cute!

Watching Samara S t r e t c h.

Listening to Silas remind EVERYONE that HE is the BIG BROTHER

Watching Silas and Samara cuddle in his bed for Stories.

Playing with Samara's crazy curly stick up hair.

Silas acting as if it is Christmas every morning because he is SO excited to see Samara.

The stress of juggling 2 kids, I started to believe I would never feel that. I feel so lucky to be a mother to my 2 beautiful children. It finally feels like our Family is complete and we are so, so HAPPY!

Random happenings

There are moments in life that seem to be planned or maybe ...........an answer to someones prayer.

I have experienced quite a few moments lately that have left the strongest impression on me.
I want to share one of those moments with you.......if you have the time.

There are people that find open adoptions inspiring, others find it ridiculous. Some question if it is right for the children, sometimes I have wondered myself.

Ethan and I were at olive garden eating lunch a couple days ago. I pulled Samara out of her car seat to go change her diaper. A near by table full of four women went nuts at the sight of Samara. I'm not sure why but I felt slightly annoyed and protective by how excited they were by my daughter and rushed off to change her diaper. When I came back my sweet husband told me I was rude to the women and that I should have showed Samara off a little "this is Samara" " she is 1 week old". I knew Ethan was right and I felt terrible. When did I become such a grumpy unfriendly person I thought. I sat there eating the whole time feeling bad that I wasn't friendly, I tried to reason with myself that it didn't really matter........but somehow I knew it did.

Finally as the women were getting ready to leave I said"excuse me". "my husband said I was being rude earlier, I didn't mean to be. I was just hungry". The Women seemed fine and were just excited to talk to us. They asked to see Samara again. I uncovered Samara and they all seemed to love her as if she was theirs. One of the women there said it was her granddaughter's birthday. Then the youngest one said yes my daughter will be one today. I decided I better ask about this daughter that they seemed so excited about. I found it strange that she wasn't with them since it was her 1st birthday. I asked what the plans were for the little girl's 1st birthday. The youngest girl looked at me with the saddest eyes and said "she doesn't live here, she lives in Colorado I placed her for adoption when she was born".(Her family seemed quite shocked that she said that to us. I learned later that she NEVER talks about it.)

I almost started crying as soon as she said that. I quickly told her how we adopted our children and how amazing adoption is. The young girl told me she has no contact with her adoptive family or child I felt so bad for this wounded girl who seemed to be wondering if she had even made the right decision to place her daughter for adoption. I knew right then and there that open adoptions are the BEST for everyone and felt so much peace inside that we have opened our lives to our beautiful birth mothers. My heart broke for this young girl and her family. I am pretty sure they were there celebrating this little girls 1st birthday. They had one picture of her that they showed to me. The longing that they had for this little girl broke my heart.

I am so grateful for this seemingly insignificant interaction. I think we both needed to meet each other that day. Though some of you may not understand what the big deal is, I can assure you we were meant to talk to each other if nothing else to see the other side . So both parties could have a greater understanding.

Laken and Chelsea will always be the mother I couldn't be, for that I am forever grateful! I love my children. I love my birth moms. They are 4 miracles in my life!

The young girl asked to hold Samara and of course I let her. I couldn't say no. I can't imagine what it must be like to give away my child out of love so they could have something more than I could give them. What a sacrifice! My heart ached for this child holding a child. I talked to her about reaching out for help and her family agreed she needed to meet with other girls that had been through the same things in life. Ethan and I walked away from that experience feeling happy that we had the strength to not only love our children but also thier birth families.

Newborn pictures of Samara!!!

http://jenschow.com/blog/?p=3899

The many faces of Samara

She loves to sleep with her arms up

I Love how she is pursing her lips here.

           One of many attempts to capture her sweet smile. We will keep working on this

This picture makes me think of her birth dad.....he always has his mouth open LOL.

My friend made these cute boots for her. I LOVE them!

Wasting Time

Silas was extremely happy this morning that his little sis Samara was home! I couldn't get him to leave her side all day. We had family over to meet Samara and everyone had to trick Silas into letting them hold her. It was a little annoying but very sweet and cute.  

Silas feeding his sister a bottle. I love the look on his face here.

 I am loving all the hair that this girl has! I had to take a picture so you all could be jealous, LOL

I love how Silas sneaked his head into the picture, gosh it is sooo fun to have 2 kids.  

I thought it was cute how Silas is looking at her. Like I said he didn't leave her side today.

I can't get this spider man costume off this kid! But I still love this picture, I think it is sweet how they are looking at each other and how Silas is holding her hand. Silas looks like he is in Heaven, don't you think?

 A kiss for Samara, sooo sweet! Silas did that all on his own.

Samara saying hello to Grandma and Grandpa (my Mom and Dad)

One of the best things about a little baby girl is getting her dressed up to meet everyone. Silas picks out his own outfits now and hardly matches anymore.......in fact all he wants to wear is his spider man costume.

Such a sweet face.

Grandma Despain is always full of surprises and came for a visit today. We knew she was coming but didn't know when............she had perfect timing.

 Aunt Melissa and cousin Alison

 GROSS Silas, Thank goodness Silas was happy to learn today. Poor kid probably felt a little overwhelmed by all the lessons..........but he seemed to take it well. I can't believe how big and grown up he is! 

Samara is an angel baby! Seriously she eats, poops, sleeps and that is it. She is a very happy content baby. THANK HEAVENS! Ok I want to go enjoy my baby now. :)

Welcome baby Samara!

Adoption is one of the most amazing experiences a person could go through. September 15, 2011 Samara Laken Despain arrived at 9:35pm. She is 8 pounds 1 oz, 20.5 inches long.

This is the first time Ethan and I met our little girl.

I was able to feed Samara her first bottle, that is Devin in the background.

Samara's delivery was not an easy one. Laken was amazing through it all, I admire her strength. I would love to post pictures and share more details but I feel those pictures and experiences are private and only for Laken, Devin, Ethan and I.

 Silas was able to meet Samara the day after she was born, this picture above is his first time seeing her.

 Silas is incredibly sweet with her and I know he will be the best big brother!

  We were able to watch Samara have a bath from the hallway. Thanks for making us feel welcome St Luke's and for being sensitive to my little families needs and feelings. I am being totally sarcastic btw. Not impressed with that hospital at all. In fact I don't ever want to step foot in there again! There is something very satisfying about telling all of you that. I think I already feel better.

 Ethan and I came home on the night of the 15th to find this!!! What a nice surprise after a very long day. I want to tell all my friends and family thank you for EVERYTHING! We have felt so much support, love and compassion from so many people. Thank you everyone for understanding us shutting down communication. I couldn't even talk to my own family members (except for Christy and my Mom).  Adoption is a roller coaster and there are no easy answers to very simple questions. We simple could not handle talking to anyone. We love you all deeply and thank you for sending us love and support.

 We brought Samara home at 10:30pm on Saturday September 17. These pictures were taken right after we walked in the door with Samara. Silas was asleep and still has no idea that Samara is home. He is going to freak out!

This is my favorite picture of us! Ethan has been so attached to this little girl! He doesn't want to put her down. That is exactly how I was with Silas. I feel much more relaxed this time around and very happy to see daddy dotting over his daughter.

 My Dad and Ethan

Mom and Ethan

Lastly I want to tell all of you how lucky Ethan and I are to have Devin and Laken in our life. We Love them and they ARE our family now. Samara's birth family was and is amazing to us and we feel honored that they picked us to be Samara's Mom and Dad.

Did I make you cry?

30 years old!!!

I had a fabulous 30th birthday this year thanks to Ethan. When I got home from work we went and ate at Kneaders. Then we came home and Ethan said that family was coming over for cake. 5 mins before anyone came Ethan went upstairs and came back down in this 80's getup! It is hard to see but his pants are pegged!

I laughed and laughed, then Mom and Dad, Christy, Alisha and Eric all showed up dressed like they just walked out of 1981! I LOVED IT! Melissa, Darren and the kids came too, but needed some help embracing the 80's look. Of course no one was going to let me look normal like I do in this first picture, Christy took me upstairs and started ratting my hair and spraying tons of hair spray in it. Then Ethan re wrote some of the words to 99 red balloons and sent everyone to pop balloons, but if they popped a balloon they had to share a story or memory of me. Of course my whole family shared silly stories. Some of the balloons had a clue in them as to where my presents were, so I had to go on a treasure hunt to find my gifts. Luckily Silas helped me when Ethan wasn't paying attention. I really don't know if I would have found one of my gifts without Silas. Thanks Ethan you are the best husband ever!!!

baby Shower

My Friends threw me an awesome baby shower. I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life. I felt spoiled by ALL of my friends, I was literally "showered" with gifts.

this is a blanket that Silas' birth grandma made for Samara

The bumbo seat!

I even got a tinkerbell costume for her.

I recieved so many other awesome gifts that I don't have pictures of either :( Homade booties (that are to die for), Lots of soft blankets and cute clothes, a "I am a Child of God" Picture, homade "Samara" banner, gift cards, towels, piggy bank, homade car seat cover and tutu! I discovered that lots of my friends are very crafty.

Heather, the brains behind operation baby shower.

Just a side note I didn't get pictures with anyone else and I am so sad! I didn't even document that Laken was there :(

The fab food. My mom made the fruit bouquet, the rest of the food was sooo yummy.

I really was touched by every ones desire to make my shower special, thank you friends for helping me to CELEBRATE! It was exactly what I needed.

catch up

Alright my fellow party pals, I've got a baby coming this weekend to join our family! I am so excited I can't sleep. I have cleaned my house top to bottom (lets be honest Ethan got way more done than I did) so now I am on to catching up on the BLOG.

I have been avoiding blogging worried that I was too emotional to express myself appropriately, but I am over it. I had a fun summer and I need to share.

I had a girls trip to Utah (at the very beginning of summer) to take my niece Hannah to BYU.

We drove my car and it was PACKED, and I mean PACKED.

We had a blast in Utah, I had attack of the giggles almost the whole time. I didn't realize how much I needed to get away until I was in the car and couldn't stop laughing. I guess I just felt so free to not have to worry about anyone but myself.

We ate at this place called Ruth's Diner, I don't even remember how we got there but it was amazing and all of you have to go at least once.

My Mom, sis, and me

I was able to visit my friend Renae who I have known FOREVER! I love catching up with old friends.

Camping

I love how Silas adores his dad and doesn't ever want to leave his side, it is so stinkin cute.

We Went Camping a couple times this summer with our friends, had to share the pictures.

Lindsey and I just being silly

Ethan builds a dam every time we go camping, it is a really fun tradition that started in his family.

The cute boys! They have so much fun together.

This is a picture from the 4th of July that I had to throw in there. Could we be any cooler? LOL.