When I found out we were getting Samara I was beyond words excited....but then the stress set in (not that I didn't feel stressed before). Life is stressful people and we all have things in our lives that stress us out......maybe I just stress more than others? Anyhoo, I.......am........a............STRESS EATER!!! There I have said it and admitted it to the world! The first step is admitting it right? Will I stop turning to food now when I am stressed? Does this mean that now I will eat 1 snack size candy bar and not the bag? Will I still need a treat before and after my meals? Seriously, have you ever done something that you really don't want to do but you can't seem to stop yourself? For example I bought a bag of snack size butterfingers (the ones we got from trick or treating were already gone and I really needed more) I keep eating them but I honestly don't want them. I guess eating candy has become a habit now?
Last year I was so focused on being healthy!! I drank green smoothies, I started running, I cut down to a reasonable amount of sugar, I only used whole grains and ate mostly fish, chicken, turkey, veggies, and fruit. 1 year later all that went out the window and my pants are tight! I did some soul searching to try and understand why I lost all motivation, I figured it out. Last year I was obsessed with having another child. I wanted my baby girl (that I knew was suppose to come to our family) so badly. The only thing I could do to have some sort of control over having a baby was to prepare my body to get pregnant. Every moment running I was focused on what it would feel like to be pregnant (that's the only way I could get through it). Then I realized that my baby was suppose to be adopted, that's when I started to love burgers, nachos, cake, cookies (just to name a few) again. Maybe a deep subconscious part of me wanted to have a growing belly like Laken? Who knows, all I know is that I suddenly wanted to live in "Stretchy Pants" and eat whatever I wanted......... counting calories is no way to live! But living with these 15 extra pounds and muffin top doesn't feel good either. This is the argument that I have in my head over and over again.
I hate the modern trend of looking like you haven't eaten for weeks, I hate the pressure that it puts on women that are not naturally built that way. I have a daughter now and I want her to feel good about her body. I have to set a good example of what healthy means. However, I don't want to be the type of person that is obsessed with my weight. My time is very valuable to me, and I don't think it should be waisted on being vain. Don't get me wrong I love spending time being beautiful to a degree, but I don't want my body and the way I look to take over my life. I just want to be HEALTHY, I want to have a balance. Getting there just feels so hard. I can't determine where to draw the line with what I am eating. I can't decide what is acceptable for me and unacceptable.
I am hoping that some of you can relate.
5 comments:
Em- I love you so much! Thanks for being so open and raw... it is refreshing. Keep praying, you'll know what is healthy for you and will keep you being the great mom that you already are!
xoxo
Heather
Emily I love you so much. I really enjoyed your blog post. You are doing a great job.
I can relate! Totally! The bag of candy for trick or treaters-yep, sure does taste good and makes you feel good for a while. There will always be bumps where you fall back on that bag of candy, but when you realize why, then the bumps are farther apart and the healthy eating is more important. We have all been there and you are not alone. You are a wonderful mother,wife, friend, hairdresser,sister,daughter. I hope your day is better today. Please call if you need anything, even to just come for a visit to chat.
I can relate! Totally! The bag of candy for trick or treaters-yep, sure does taste good and makes you feel good for a while. There will always be bumps where you fall back on that bag of candy, but when you realize why, then the bumps are farther apart and the healthy eating is more important. We have all been there and you are not alone. You are a wonderful mother,wife, friend, hairdresser,sister,daughter. I hope your day is better today. Please call if you need anything, even to just come for a visit to chat.
Hahaha again....this is the one that really says we must be mysteriously related.....I lost weight for family pics ya know...resisted your evil temptations of divine treats....and on the way home from pictures stopped at Guidos, ate 4 enormous slices, two bowls of cereal before bed....and I am still binging and it has been...hmm mm....3 weeks?? Oh and about that weight I lost, I found it!! It is all mine again...sheeesh......
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